I'm always trying to be strong, even in my dreams

Strength & Courage

It takes strength to be certain,
It takes courage to have doubts.

It takes strength to fit in,
It takes courage to stand out.

It takes strength to share a friend’s pain,
It takes courage to feel your own pain.

It takes strength to hide your own pain,
It takes courage to show it and deal…

" I'll be okay "

Is that what you want me to say?

I like people with depth, I like people with emotion, I like people with a strong mind, an interesting mind, a twisted mind. Someone that make me smile and says; 'aaha, its true'.

Another awesomeness

The vid is so good, give me tears good :) I need to start finding and be in 'Bulatan Gembira' also. :)

p/s: and her korean is awesome too :)

awesomeness

how awesome is this., she is a very lucky girl. :)

Sometimes bad days will happen,

Faith is low,

Patience is low.

Everything’s low.

There’s only one thing you’ll find comfort in,

A comfort so endless, you’ll sink down deep

Into relief,

In thinking of your Lord.

It’ll get you through all endeavours.

Remember your Lord,

Your head down to the ground,

Remember this world is just a fleeting thought,

A whisper in the wind,

A small bubble in the boiling water,

A drop in the ocean.

It just merges in with everything else.

You’ve just got to make your crazy small existence

Count for something.

Don’t let it get to you.

I have to admit, half of today was already ruined. Everything was so wrong, and on top of that I let it get over me. I think I just need some space. Its just too much to handle and way unbearable. I was in a verge of tears, trying hard to hold it then I decided that I need to cry, I need to at least let it out. Keep telling myself that it is okay to cry. It shows nothing other that a fact that I am a very small and fragile human. I depend on so many people to make my day a good day at times I forget that the only place to depend, to trust and to hold is no other but ALLAH SWT. I know I get through this, I need to be stronger, fight and pray harder. So much drama in one day. I need lots and lots of rest and lots and lots of faith.

I think anger can totally change to hatred,
and hatred will eventually change us into a totally different person
someone that we never really know and meet before.

Tick tack

sitting and eating at mcD,
surfing and watching tiredly,
pacing and strolling around the airport,
I need to sleep badly...
or much better..,
I want to be home now.

A Sad Child

You’re sad because you’re sad.
It’s psychic. It’s the age. It’s chemical.
Go see a shrink or take a pill,
or hug your sadness like an eyeless doll
you need to sleep.

Well, all children are sad
but some get over it.
Count your blessings. Better than that,
buy a hat. Buy a coat or pet.
Take up dancing to forget.

Forget what?
Your sadness, your shadow,
whatever it was that was done to you
the day of the lawn party
when you came inside flushed with the sun,
your mouth sulky with sugar,
in your new dress with the ribbon
and the ice-cream smear,
and said to yourself in the bathroom,
I am not the favourite child.

My darling, when it comes
right down to it
and the light fails and the fog rolls in
and you’re trapped in your overturned body
under a blanket or burning car,

and the red flame is seeping out of you
and igniting the tarmac beside you head
or else the floor, or else the pillow,
none of us is;
or else we all are.

- Margaret Atwood

" Sometimes in order to help, HE makes us cry.
Happy the eyes that sheds tears for HIS sake.
Fortunate the heart that burns for HIS sake.
Laughter always follow tears.
Blessed are those who understand.
Life blossom whenever water flows.
Where tears are shed divine mercy is shown "
- Rumi

eight lesson plan to be done and yet I've done nothing

I have to admit.
I am the QUEEN of procrastination.

"What do you do for a living?"
"Carving stories out of the things that I don't know and have seen, both"
"A writer?"
"No, an explorer of the world"

"Yvonne isn’t interested in men who are handsome in an ordinary way: she’s not drawing toothpaste ads. Besides, men with capped-looking teeth and regular features, men even remotely like Greek gods, are conscious of the surface they present and of its effects. They display themselves as if their features are pictures already, finished, varnished, impermeable. Yvonne wants instead whatever it is that’s behind the face and sees out through it. She chooses men who look as if things have happened to them, things they didn’t like very much, men who show signs of forces acting upon them, who have been chipped a little, rained on, frayed, like shells on the beach. […] Men of this kind are not likely to be vain in any standard way. Instead they know that they must depend on something other than appearance to make an impact; […]"
— Margaret Atwood, The Sunrise (from Bluebeard’s Egg)

Lately, I am in love with Atwood's writing. Falling deeply in love with writing.

sigh

1. Its finally december, which means I'll be back to my hometown in a few more weeks.
2. Once I'll go back home, I want to eat like crazy.
3. When I started working in July, I weighted 51kg.
4. After 4 months of working, I gain 4 kg and now I am my chubbier self.
   

Can you see the connection of 1,2,3, and 4. Sigh.
I need to go on diet and at least lost 3 kg in 2 weeks time. Sigh.
If not, #2 cant be fulfilled once I'm home. Sigh.
The story of my life.

shame on me

It suddenly hit me on the fact that I can read a very thick novel just in few hours, however despite that self proud acclaimed the shameful truth that linger behind it is- I cant even finish reading the Holy Al-Quran in one whole year. What a saddening truth about my humble and pitiful self. :(

the man you love

"You heard the man you love
talking to himself in the next room.
He didn’t know you were listening.
You put your ear against the wall
but you couldn’t catch the words,
only a kind of rumbling.
Was he angry? Was he swearing?
Or was it some kind of commentary
like a long obscure footnote on a page of poetry?
Or was he trying to find something he’d lost,
such as the car keys?
Then suddenly he began to sing.
You were startled
because this was a new thing,
but you didn’t open the door, you didn’t go in,
and he kept on singing, in his deep voice, off-key,
a purple-green monotone, dense and heathery.
He wasn’t singing for you, or about you.
He had some other source of joy,
nothing to do with you at all—
he was an unknown man, singing in his own room, alone.
Why did you feel so hurt then, and so curious,
and also happy,
and also set free?"

— Margaret Atwood, “You Heard the Man You Love” (The Door, Mariner, 2007)

shopping.cooking.

Just got back from not-so-morning shopping with nana and ain. We went to Tesco Ampang, bought some foods and toiletries. I should get started and go to the kitchen. Practicing my not-so-good cooking skills. ^^

All these for RM70++, what a world we lived in today. Everything is so expensive.

Dreams

She was having a terrible nightmare. She woke up in hurry. Trembling a little, sit straight while hurriedly turning her head to the whole room. It is so silent, just the sound of her breath, she breath so hard it seems like she never breath before. Breath in. Breath out. Astagfirullah, what was that all about. She thought to herself. What a dream, so real, so vivid in her mind. No, this is nothing but a dream, she kept telling herself. She looked at her left and searched for the watch. It was 2.25am. Argh, how she wished that it was almost morning and the sun will rise sooner. She lied down slowly, back to her comfort bed and blanket. She stared at the wall. Long stare then she sighed. She picked up her phone on her side. Hesitated for awhile. Typed a massage. Hesitated again. Sent. Her phone vibrated, she looked at the screen.

" Its okey, it will be okey, everything will be fine, its just a dream, just recite ayatul qursi and go back to sleep sweetheart."

She felt much better as if reading that gave her more comfort than she even realize. She closed her eyes and her mouth was moving as she reciting ayatul qursi. It will be fine, she said to herself and let her subconscious lead her to the dreamland- hopefully it will be a better, sweet and colourful dream. Hopefully.

meeting you

waiting... sitting.... standing.... pacing....
ahh, this is driving me crazy...

sincerely me

"I think I rather be myself and be hated, rather than putting an act and pretending to be someone else just so that I can be loved."

Things to Remember

eternel love

What a nice feeling to be in love with ALLAH. No pain, no disappointment, no worries. Just blessings, mercy and peace of mind.

football vs breaking dawn

People around me are so busy with football.., but well.., good job harimau muda.., yg memang muda-muda semuanya, for winning the gold medal. I was too sleepy last night, I ended up sleeping in front of the telly while watching the whole football combat between the two group. Anyway, cograts MALAYSIA, I am proud to be one cute and sweet Malaysian.., uwek, sempat lagi.. ;P However, put aside all the football drama, I am more excited for the coming breaking dawn movie. I will always be twihards fan, no matter what., I'll be first in line this 24th nov to watch it in theater. I thought that now I am more mature and had left my teenage-emo-daydreaming stage, I will eventually stop living in fantasy land and stop hoping for my guy to be exactly like Edward, which by the way, it will be never ever come true (sedar pon!). Nonetheless, no need to be sad about the hard cold fact of not being able to be with someone like Edward, since my ideal guy had also change from him(this is when I am all emo and perasan long2 time ago) to someone who is more realistic and most importantly beriman and can hold onto me tightly and walk me to the correct path.,cheh.. :)

Still, twilight saga will always be in my heart, it is one of the very one literature who make me love, love, love to read...

And later on in my life I will always be re-reading twilight, and when someone said to me, "After all this time?!"
and I will proudly answer "Always..." :)

changes

Assalamualaikum.., :)

Its been a long time since I write.., as writing make me happy, I should always try to do this more, but time is always been the question of doing so. My life has change a lot, I am working now, so there really not much time to write and read as before, but I'm always trying when I got the chance. Its been different, but I do like it, it does feel like Im stepping up to the real world, more challenges, more new things, more learning process. I do feel that life is more than what meet the eyes now, more responsibilities held on my shoulder. However, its all okey and its all fine, I like every minute of it. Maybe its because I am doing what I like the most, which is teaching. Time flies so fast, last year I was a student, and this year I am a lecturer. Last year, I am the one who stayed all night doing assignment and this year I am the one who giving my students a hard time. My journey was little shaky and rough during my first 2 weeks of working. Teaching a diploma students is way too different then teaching kids, and I am not too used to it, some of my students are bigger and taller than me . So, it did consume time to get myself use to the environment and this new chapter of my life. I am teaching diploma TESL students, so its not something that is alien for me for the fact I am a teslian myself. I will try my best to be a good educator, as it always be my passion. May ALLAH always grant me with a healthy body,healthy mind and healthy soul, so that I can give my very best to my students. InsyaALLAH.

Have a nice weekend =)

Thank You ALLAH

And He found you lost and guided [you], [Surah ad-Dhuhaa:7]

waiting for december

I know november has been really good to me..,
but I just cant wait for december..,
dear heart, please be patient..,
for december will eventually come..,
InsyaALLAH :)

Be you. Find you. Be happy with that.

will I ???

I want to be able to write again.
not just to read..
but also to write...
to do it again please....

sorry dearie bloggie

I'm sorry..,
I left you all alone..,
untouched..,
unloved...

heal my heart

ya ALLAH grant me patient

“ Ponder this: When you go through difficulties in life always remind yourself of the Prophets. Imagine how Yusuf felt at the bottom of the well, how Ayyub felt when everyone left him due to his illness and how Yunus felt, forgotten in the stomach of the whale, at the bottom of the ocean. There will always be people worse off than you, always remember that Allah only intends to make you and never to break you." -Abu Thaabit

I will hold into HIM, for HE knows what is the best for me.

pray

I pray for a better tomorrow, for a brighter day, for a purer heart.., and I pray everything will be fine and ALLAH will save what I love and cherish the most... Amin.

And for whatever things that had happened and will happen I leave everything to HIM, as He knows what will be the best for me.

“But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not.” [Quran]

happy belated birthday

Yesterday was his birthday

But she did not wish him a happy 25^th birthday

And for that she was sorry

He, who had taught her so much about life and happiness,

Once meant so much for her

The countless smiles that he had put on her face

The frequent butterfly that he had made her felt

The few events that he had planned for her

And the one feeling that they shared together

How she wish it will never end,

But faith brought him and her to two different paths

She is she

And

He is he..,

They will never be each others ‘other half’

flowerpot

I watched 'we got married' last night, the first season of WGM. I just fall in love with the show again.., and thanks to my bestie, Fatin for introducing it to me back in 2008. Since the very first time I watched it, there was no turning back.., I just love it.. My favourite couple was Al-shin and An-sol couple. They were just so adorable.., I cried a bucket last night, when I'm watching the temporary back up of Al-shin. T T its just sad. This show is also full of great song.., it introduces me with so many great korean song.

My favourite was no doubt 'Flowerpot' originally sang by Loveholic



but Alex made a cover of it while doing the show.., and its lovely :)



Romaji Lyrics

Verse
Meol li seo meol li seo meol li seo
geu dae ga o ne yo
I ddeol li neun ma eumeul eo ddeoh ke
malae ya ha na yo
Keu daen
Cheo eum bu teo na ui ma eumeul bbae eod go
Na eul su eobd neun byeong eul nae ge ju eodd jyo
Hwa buni doel lae yo
Na neun neul ki do ha jyo

Chorus
Nan geu dae jageun chang ga e
Hwa buni doel gge yo
A mu mal modhae do pa lal su eobseo do
Ka ggeum keu dae ui mi so wa son gileul padeu myeo
Jam deun keu dae eol gul han eobshi bul su idd gedd jyo

Verse
Meol li do meol li do meol li do
Keu dae ga ga ne yo
Ddeoleo ji neun nun muleul eo ddeoh ke
Dal lae ya ha na yo
Keu daen
Cheo eum bu teo na ui ma eumeul ka jyeodd go
Na eul su eobd neun byeong eulalh ge han geo jyo
Hwa buni doe go peun na neun neul ki do ha jyo

Chorus
Nan geu dae jageun chang ga e
Hwa buni doel gge yo
A mu mal modhae do ba lal su eobseo do
Ka ggeum geu dae ui mi so wa son gileul padeu myeo
Jam deun geu dae ui eol gul han eobshi bul su idd gedd jyo

Nan geu dae jageun chang ga e
Hwa buni doel gge yo
A mu mal modhae do pa lal su eobseo do
Ka ggeum keu dae ui mi so wa son gileul badeu myeo
Jam deun geu dae eol gul han eobshi ba la bol te jyo

Nan geu dae jageun chang ga e
Hwa buni doel gge yo
A mu mal modhae do pa lal su eobseo do
Ka ggeum keu dae ui mi so wa son gileul badeu myeo
Jam deun geu dae eol gul han eobshi ba la bol te jyo

English Translation

Far, far, you come from a distance
How must my quivering heart speak?
From the very start, you took my heart
I couldn't recover from the illness you gave me
I want to become a flower pot
I constantly pray

I want to become a flowerpot at your small window
Even if I won't be able to say anything
From time to time, I'll receive your smiles and touch
And I could watch your sleeping face endlessly

Faraway, faraway, you're going somewhere far away
How must I stop these falling tears?
From the very start, you stole my heart
And made me suffer from an illness I couldn't recover from
I want to become a flower pot
I constantly pray

I want to become a flowerpot at your small window
even if I won't be able to say anything
from time to time, I'll receive your smiles and touch
and I could watch your sleeping face endlessly

I want to become a flowerpot at your small window
even if I won't be able to say anything
from time to time, I'll receive your smiles and touch
and I could gaze at your sleeping face to no end

I want to become a flowerpot at your small window
even if I won't be able to say anything
from time to time, I'll receive your smiles and touch
and I could watch your sleeping face endlessly


'WGM' is such a great show, you can watch it on youtube.., now continuing its second seasons.
Lately, because I'm at my sis house doing nothing. I spend a lot of time watching old movies, drama and show..,I need to do something more educational and beneficial I think.. hehe.., :)

a nice and much needed break

I have a feeling of having a new blog, and just leave this one die in a cold here. Wow.., what a heartless person I became.., hahaha.., pity this blog, this blog have really been one of my therapy when I'm stressed out or even happy. Its not fair for it to be left alone in the dark and not even worth any glance just as what had happen to my friendster. LOL. I don't even remember my password for my friendster page anymore, but well friendster was so old news, it doesn't even matter. On the other hand, writing blog is something that I occasionally like to do and I felt like I want a new blog. My hand just itching to create a new one, erm, tgk la nanti.., fikir-fikir dulu. So, its been a while, now I am in my honeymoon phase but still I'm worried about so many things, I have my mind occupied with so many thoughts, I think I need to chill. So, in that case, I cannot really said I'm in honeymoon phase. Lets just said I'm in not-so-busy-hectic-phase, unlike when I'm doing my practicum before. However, somehow.., I missed my practicum life, especially the students. Sometimes sampai termimpi-mimpi. cis, punya la, ini dah kemaruk dah nie. So, moral of the story, buat siapa-siapa yang nak buat praktikum kat sekolah janganlah terlalu attach dengan students-students anda.., nanti akibatnya akan jadi macam ni jugak.

Recently because I just finished with my pacticum, so dapatla ikut my big sis punya family vacation, its not that, I'm such a busy body and nak ikut sana sini tapi she was the one yang insisted me to go, so orang da nak sponsor, apa lagi.., ikut je la.., jangan nak tolak-tolak pulak., and I will let the photos tell everything.

the destination - Pekan Baru, Indonesia (Its really near actually)

One of the place we visited - Masjid Agung An-nur.., its really beautiful and being there just make you feel all peaceful.

Infront of Pasar Bawah, where you can shop for less..

my sister a.k.a shopaholic.., practicing her natural talent - shop, shop and shop. 8)

No! not in the mood for picture.., hehe..

much for PDA.., mother and son affection..

One happy family and thank you for sponsoring the trip.., hehe :)

Set me free and let me fly

To let go isn’t to forget, not think about, or ignore. It doesn’t leave feelings of anger, jealousy, or regret. Letting go isn’t winning, and it isn’t losing. It’s not about pride, it’s not about how you appear, and it’s not obsessing or dwelling on the past. Letting go isn’t blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts and doesn’t leave emptiness, hurt, or sadness. It’s not giving in or giving up. Letting go isn’t about loss, and it’s not defeat. To let go is to cherish memories, and overcome and move on. It’s having an open mind and confidence in the future. Letting go is accepting. It’s learning, experiencing and growing. To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, made you cry, and made you grow. It’s about all that you have, all that you had, and all that you will have again. Letting go is having the courage to accept change, and the strength to keep moving. Letting go is growing up. It’s realizing that the heart can sometimes be the most potent remedy. To let go is to open a door, to clear a path, and to set you free.”

credit to take flight tumblr

I learn to let go.., and it set me free.., free like I'm flying and soaring up above the sky...
ahh.., what a wonderful feeling..

BELIEVE

Just pray to ALLAH.., HE knows everything.., sometimes we don’t need a person to understand.., because a person can be as weak and as broken as us.., but HE.., HE can cure and solve all problems that any of us can't never did… everything happen for a reason, there's always a 'hikmah' behind all the pain and the struggle that we have been through…just believe… and never stop praying…

tumblr

Assalamualaikum..,

I'm on tumblr now..., do visit me :

Blue skies. Sunshine. Butterflies

:)

Things that I will need to-do every single day...., <3

Things that make my life worth living

God All Mighty Allah SWT. Families. Friends. My sweethearts. Hearing my favourite song. Lying in the bed listening to the rain outside. Milkshakes. Lilies. Daisies. Giggling. Reading. Laughing at an inside jokes. Laughing at myself. Laughing so much to the point my stomach hurt. Just plain laughing. Waking up and realizing I still have a few hours to sleep. Traveling. Accidentally overhearing someone says something nice about me. Cheese cakes. Sweet dreams. The pretty garden. Making new friends or spending time with old ones. Muffins. Getting out of the bed in the morning after sleeping in and looking out of the window to see its sunny, birds are chirping, and kids are playing.Cuppy cakes. Playing with a new kitten pet. The beach. Getting all pretty. Mocha. Chocolate. Knowing that somebody misses me. Holding hands with someone I care about. Watching the sunset. Watching the sunrise. Mummy's home cooked recipe. Hugging my real life teddy bear-Afiq. Cycling. Eating raw tomatoes and carrots. Taking a beautiful and meaningful pictures. Call home and tell them I miss them. Getting hug from someone you care deeply. Saying I love you. Knowing I've done the right things, no matter what other people think. Hearing I love you from the right person. Eating ice cream and crying to a chick flick. Playing guitar. Receiving roses, daisies or lilies. Making a fool of myself and not caring because I'm having too much fun. Going to the movies. Going to the bookstore. Fridays. Pictures that remind me of good memories. Good memories that I think back to and start to smile.

another day in school - puppets making day

Yesterday was a puppets making day for my 3 Berlian's class. Since I'm teaching them on the topic of 'fables' now, I asked them to make one puppet using stoking that represents their favorite character in the fables that they had read.

So, its turn out to be like these:

and some of my students with their own creation :

Moslinah and her puppet

Khair zikri and his puppet

Nezer Francis with his puppet

Aiman Daniel with his puppet, somehow his expression look sad.., hehe.., whats wrong Daniel?

Husna and her twin puppets.., she makes a couple of cute puppets :)

The excited boys and girls

and the equally over excited teacher =) hhahaha

oh gosh.., I will miss these lovely kids when I'm done with my practicum :(

who says?

I wouldn't wanna be anybody else.

You made me insecure
Told me I wasn’t good enough
But who are you to judge
When you’re a diamond in the rough
I’m sure you got some things
You’d like to change about yourself
But when it comes to me
I wouldn’t want to be anybody else

Na na na
Na na na

I’m no beauty queen
I’m just beautiful me

Na na na
Na na na

You’ve got every right
To a beautiful life
C'mon

Who says
Who says you’re not perfect
Who says you’re not worth it
Who says you’re the only one that’s hurting
Trust me
That’s the price of beauty
Who says you’re not pretty
Who says you’re not beautiful
Who says

It’s such a funny thing
How nothing’s funny when it’s you
You tell ‘em what you mean
But they keep whiting out the truth
It’s like a work of art
That never gets to see the light
Keep you beneath the stars
Won’t let you touch the sky

Na na na
Na na na

I’m no beauty queen
I’m just beautiful me

Na na na
Na na na

You’ve got every right
To a beautiful life
C'mon

Who says
Who says you’re not perfect
Who says you’re not worth it
Who says you’re the only one that’s hurting
Trust me
That’s the price of beauty
Who says you’re not pretty
Who says you’re not beautiful

Who says
Who says you’re not start potential
Who says you’re not presidential
Who says you can’t be in movies
Listen to me, listen to me
Who says you don’t pass the test
Who says you can’t be the best
Who said, who said
Won’t you tell me who said that
Yeah, oh

Who says
Who says you’re not perfect
Who says you’re not worth it
Who says you’re the only one that’s hurting
Trust me
That’s the price of beauty
Who says you’re not pretty
Who says you’re not beautiful

---> what a fun and inspirational song.., really really love it..,
"IM NO BEAUTY QUEEN, I'M JUST BEAUTIFUL ME" :)

Life=uncertainty

Whatever happens in our lives is what’s supposed to happen. That’s what I try to believe, but no one can prove that’s the truth. Life is uncertain. Sometimes it takes you down roads you never ever thought you would go, ones that make you wanna turn around and start over. But sometimes the uncertainty leads you exactly where you need to be; it helps you discover yourself and makes you that much more wise. It can be the worst thing, or it can be the greatest thing. However, the pathways are not put infront of you to follow. They are in your heart; they always have been. Cause at some point, we all have to listen to what our heart is saying. We can try to block it out and forget about it, but sooner or later a day is gonna come where it speaks louder than words. That’s when we need to come to acceptance, gather our missing pieces, and leave the ones that don’t fit. That’s when we begin the journey. But see, we can’t just follow our heart. We have to chase it.

good changes?

Life had been chaotic lately.., with my lecturer coming to school to observe me and fulfilling other duties, its somehow a bit crazy but I still manage to keep it under control. As we all know.., in life, we juggle so many things at the same time and somehow we adapt into becoming a person with an ability to multitask, I'm not only a trainee teacher and a student.., but I'm also a daughter and a sister.., things happen..., in fact MANY things happen, and what I can do is just take one step at a time and move forward with my life. However, at the same times, there are also many things that I am thankful for.., one of it is my result of last semester subject and term paper were out, and I'm happy to say I manage to pass with flying colours. Syukur Al hamdullilah.

Now that its already in mid april, I'll only have 2 more weeks to go with my practicum in school.., I don't know if I should be happy or sad., but somehow I am more sad than happy.., I love my students very much, they are so bright and sweet.., its seem so hard to part from them. I break the news about me finishing my practicum end of this month to them at my English class today.., and some of them were crying.., a response that were not too surprising coming from a year 3 students- only 9 years old.., yes, my students are as old as my eldest nephew, Afiq. So sometimes I get carried away and treated them just like how I treat my nephew, Afiq. If I forget or get confused by their name, I started to call them sweetheart and dear.., hahaha.., because that is what I usually called my nephews or nieces. No wonder they get too spoil and keep making noises when I was teaching them.. hehehe.., to be true I'm not a strict teacher and I hate to scold or get mad with them. I always want my class to have a positive energy so they can learn in a fun environment. Somehow I am reluctant to end my practicum.., and that is all because of them- my beloved students. But that is life.., it changes.., and I hope it change for good.

in need of scrumptious cakes

I'm in NEED of these..

or these...

Im craving to eat cupcakes or at least NY cheesecake.., these two things are definitely my guilty pleasure, if someone offer me CP or CC.., no matter what, I will never refused..,
because its just yum. yum. yum.
But now I can't really go out to secret recipe.., I'm all tangle up with work.., My last observation is tomorrow.., wish me luck.., and after that, maybe I can treat myself with cuppy cakes or even scrumptious cheesecakes.. ^^

tu m'as menti

knowing the truth was too much...
and all this while..., what is really happening was you lied straight to my face...

for my ummie on her birthday

My ummie has wipe my tears, made me laugh, watched me succeed, seen me fail, cheered me on, kept me going strong and drove me a little crazy at times.., but a mum likes her is a promise that you'll have a best friend forever.., how I miss all the moment that we shared together..,

Happy birthday Ummie.., May ALLAH blessed you with the greatest gift of all --His bless and his compassion.. Amin

All in one

wow.., lamanya tak post.., ni semua sebab kesibukan yang tersangatla menjadi-jadi.., dalam tempoh 3 minggu lepas, pening dan busy dengan term paper/thesis = research paper , observation dan kerja yang berlambak-lambak.., haa.., tu la.., jadi lagi cikgu.., ingat jadi cikgu senang sangat ke? Just because you only work for 6hours per day compared to other jobs.., it doesn't meant that being a teacher is easy.. its actually more demanding that what it look like.., especially if you are a trainee teacher- meaning you are still a students at the same time. You are still required to complete you term paper. Hufff.., penat sangat sangat penat.., sampai migrain dan muntah-muntah...., kalau teringat balik detik-dekit 2 minggu lepas.., insaf wooo.., cukup la.., taubat nak wat research lagi.., kalau nak sambung study nanti.., rasanya amik course work je la, tak nak wat research. Lagi-lagi aku pulak in terms of keja tak nak cincai boncai.., nak kena wat bagus-bagus as long as I'm capable of trying my best kan.., lepas tu, asyik-asyik risau, takut-takut lecturer tak accept term paper tu or maybe banyak yang kena edit and re-edit.., adui..., punya la susah.. Dalam taip research asyik-asyik berdebar-debar, sampai makan pun tak lalu.. Bila da hantar dengan lecturer pulak, asyik-asyik call him = my lecturer, and tanya ok ke tak term paper tu.., I think to the point he felt annoyed with me.., huhuhu..

In the end I just told myself that I need to chill, because absolutely nothing good will come out from over thinking things. Now days, I learn to let go things.., i think it is better than trying to maintain control. I actually feels more relief like this.., like I can breath easier. Now my 'mantra' is if its meant to be, it is meant to be..., just let loose and be happy with each coming days. Don't think too much...

since I'm staying in Klang now, there are many place to hang out. So, it is more fun and less stress.., usually me and my hommies went to watch movie and book shopping.., it was so much fun. Last night, all of us plan birthday surprise for Nanako.., neway, happy 23rd birthday Nanako, :) woah.., da 23 thn da.., cheh cheh cheh.., now you are in a age of a young lady blossoming to become a real lady... I wish you all the best in your future undertaking dear., and may our friendship will always be as tight as now..

Last night, after the surprise birthday party for nanako we went to watch World invasion : Invansion of Los Angeles. The movie was fine, but I have to say from the very beginning until the end of it was explosion, gun fired, some kind of alien, marin officer, more explosion, more gun fired and more people dying. That was the whole summarization of it. Maybe not my kind of movie.., I think guys will like this kind of movie more since it is full with action and I have to mention again - full of EXPLOSION. We take pic last night, but I haven't take it from Fatin and Yati. So, I cant upload yet.

Last two weeks pulak, before the school holiday we went and watch Beastly.., and I have to say I love it!I love it! I love it! This is my kind of movie. Alex Pettyfer as always was so fine and great in it. Not just he played the role of the 'handsome Kyle' awesomely but also the 'beast Kyle' greatly. Vanessa Hudgens was also lovely and I like it that the movie stay true to the book as much as possible.

I like the book as much as I like the movie

haha.., too cute.., vg and nanako who tried to imitate the poster of Beastly :)





Not much people in JJ that night since it was midnight show, so we played with the 'kete bergerak-gerak kalau masukkan duit'. Dapat la merasa walaupon umur da melebihi had, kalau tak jgn harap coz nanti semua mata memandang.., malam tak de org wat je suka ati.. hehehe..

wow.., punya la panjang entri ari ni, semua crita masuk dalam ni.., all in one la katakan.., balas dendam sebab da 2 minggu tak blogging.., pasalnya byk keja and broadband pon rosak baru-baru nie.., macam-macam.. ok la.., nak siapkan lesson plan, monday ni ada observation lagi. Assalamualaikum...

Never ending hope

I hope you find what you looking for
whatever it may be
I hope you are not deceive and I will never able to say 'I told you so'
but if you did and if I did
hopefully you learn something from it
because in this beautiful and wonderful world
ironically, the people in it are not so beautiful and wonderful
unfortunately, the people in it can be cruel and wicked

I just wish you know better
cause' you are always more careful and wiser than me
you are always mature and sensible
you are always clever and confident
but I'm afraid not this time around, honey
you may ended up breaking your heart
and that would be such a shame for a beautiful and wonderful person like you...

-sweethanie,
unleashing my ever locked emotions.

HAVING A COKE WITH YOU

is more fun than going to San Sebastian, Irun, Hendaye, Biarritz, Bayonne
or being sick on my stomach on the Travesare de Gracia in Barcelona
partly because in your orange shirt you look like a better happier St. Sebastian
partly because of my love for you, partly because of you love to yoghurt
partly because of the fluorescent orange tulips around the birches
partly because of the secrecy our smiles take on before people and statuary
it is hard to believe when I'm with you that they can be anything as still
as solemn as unpleasantly definitive as statuary when right in front of it
in the warm New York 4 o'clock light we are drifting back and forth
between each other like a tree breathing through it spectacles

and the portrait show seems to have no faces in it at all, just paint
you suddenly wonder why in the world why anyone did them

I look
at you and I rather look at you than all the portraits in the world
except possibly for the Polish Rider occasionally and anyway it's in the Frick
which thank heavens you haven't gone to yet so we can go together the first time
and the fact that you move so beautifully more or less take cares of Futurism
just as at home I never think of the Nude Descending a Staircase or
at rehearsal a single drawing of Leonardo or Michelangelo that used to wow me
and what good does all the research of the Impressionist do them
when they never got the right person to stand near the tree when the sun sank
or for that matter Marino Marini when he didn't pick the rider
as carefully as the horse

is seems they were all cheated for some marvelous experience
which is not going to go wasted on me which is I'm telling you about it

-Frank O'Hara

One of my favourite poem.., what a wonderful and amazing poem by O'Hara and turn out to be it is featured in Beastly the movie. When I watched the movie last Saturday, I was like.., "Wow.., having a coke with you, that is my all time fav poem, AWESOME" :)

Enjoy the poem.., Feel it.., Cherish it.., Adore it...

Always be my love

B, is always by my side.., no matter whether I’m happy or sad.., but especially when I’m lonely and down.., B was always there - in my long journey inside the train from Klang to Seramban, in my miserable day of having a bad feeling after hurting the one that I love, in my bored day of having nothing to do and just.., just whenever I in need somebody or something.., B was always there.., I hold into it tightly.., not wanting to let go. B lets me explore other places, cultures and thoughts that is so foreign for me, tell me so many things.., sometimes it makes me laugh so hard, I can't even stop. And once a while, it makes me cry.., but in good way, I cry because it tells me that I’m fortune enough, unlike million people out there.., Sometimes, it let me taste the sweetness of fantasy, something that are beyond my imagination. Sometimes it taught me about life and humanity., so good to me.., so comforting.., especially having B when I’m laying down in a rainy day on my bed, just being lazy, rolling around and holding it in my hand and staring and focusing at B with my eyes..

Therefore, thank you B.., thank you dear.., my dearest B.., my beloved B.., my B.., even though there are so many of you, I will try to love all of you equally.., equally…, Thank you my baby B..

My B, my BOOKS…

Love you always.. xoxo :)

ne regrette rien

I regret nothing. There have been things I missed, but I ask no questions, because I have loved it, such as it has been, even the moments of emptiness, even the unanswered — and that I loved it, that is the unanswered in my life.

~The Fountainhead, Ayn Rand~

movie day

Yesterday, I went to JJ Bukit Tinggi with lovely F and XY.., :) We went to watch movie - I explain in details later..., my planned to go for book haunting was totally ruined.., because by the time we were out from the movie theater, we were too tired.., especially me since I slept at 5am.., the night before...

Owh.., regarding the movie, we watched 'I am number four', and yeah.., I'm also thinking the same thing that you are thinking now, what's up with the title. hehehe :) well, by the way.., the movie was ok, Alex Pettyfer (John Smith) was terrific in it, but the love story between him and Dianne Argon (Sarah) was lacking. In terms of the chemistry and how it was being put in the story. I read the review of the book (the movie was adapted from the book with the same title) and it seems that many readers find the love story as awesome and almost can be at the same par with Edward- Bella (Twilight Saga) and Sam-Grace (Shiver) couple. Owh, really? But.., somehow it is not being convey accordingly in the movie, and the combination of the elements of sci-fi and the love story make it a bit weird and somehow the love story become tasteless, its just not there, not good enough maybe..??? or probably its because I'm not a big fan of sci-fi story. Ohh well..., I just don't know whats wrong, but somehow, somewhere, something is wrong.

Nonetheless, there are some quotes that I found adorable from the movies... :)

John: [Reaching for book] What's this?
Sarah: Umm... That is kind of private, actually.
John: It's amazing!
Sarah: Ok, that's enough.
John: Seems like you want to run away.
Sarah: Just be happy when I can get out of here.
John: don't know - been to a lot of places...
Sarah: You don't have to give me that "there's no place like home" speech, I've heard it.
John: No - You can go wherever you want. See whatever you want to but, um... a place is only as good as the people you know in it.

"A place is only as good as the people you know in it" :)

I can't wait to watch Red Riding Hood and Beastly* this march..., I watched the trailer.., seems promising...

*Beastly is also adapted from a book with similar title by Alex Flinn. I'm so excited by this one, I wonder how Flinn retell the story of Beauty and the Beast and modernize it in Beastly, so I made my mind to read the book first before watching the movie..., can't wait to go to MPH and get my copy of the book.

books about.., books talking.., books writing...

Indeed.., after reading a good book.., somehow.., you will feel like you just lost a friend.., and you'll be laying down and staring at the ceiling while thinking of the book.., the characters in it and how one event leads to another event..., and its just seems too hard to comprehend on how great and how much you like the book :) I'm going for book haunting tomorrow..., wish me luck in finding the 'good' one...

BYS

No need to hurry. No need to sparkle. No need to be anybody but oneself.

~A Room of One’s Own, Virginia Woolf~

My meaning simply is, that whatever I have tried to do in life, I have tried with all my heart to do well; that whatever I have devoted myself to, I have devoted myself to completely; that in great aims and in small, I have always been thoroughly in earnest.

~David Copperfield, Charles Dickens~

Dreams...

Deep into the darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming,...
Dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before..

~ EdgerAllan Poe~

you are the only exception

When I was younger
I saw my daddy cry
And curse at the wind
He broke his own heart
And I watched
As he tried to reassemble it

And my momma swore that
She would never let herself forget
And that was the day that I promised
I'd never sing of love
If it does not exist

But darling,
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

Maybe I know, somewhere
Deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways
To make it alone
Keep a straight face

And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable, distance
And up until now

I had sworn to myself that I'm
Content with loneliness

Because none of it was ever worth the risk

Well, You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

I've got a tight grip on reality
But I can't
Let go of what's in front of me here
I know you're leaving
In the morning, when you wake up
Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream

Ohh---

You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

And I'm on my way to believing
Oh, And I'm on my way to believing

My thoughts of this song:
I like it..., it stuck in mind.., after only listening to it once.. :)

Salam Maulidul Rasul

Assalamualaikum.., and syukur alhamdullilah... Today, we, Muslim are celebrating Maulidul Rasul. Maulidul Rasul is a term used to refer to the observance of the birthday of Nabi Muhammad S.a.w which occurs in Rabiul awwal the third month in the islamic calender. Sesungguhnya.., rasa sangat bertuah sebab dapat menjadi salah seorang daripada umat nabi Muhammad S.A.W..., pengorbanan dan perjuangan Rasullullah S.A.W dalam menegakkan syiar islam amatlah besar dan tidak ternilai harganya... Mudah-mudahan bersempana dengan hari yang penuh keberkatan ini, keimanan kita kepada ALLAH yang maha Esa semakin bertambah.., dan kasih dan sayang kepada Rasulullah semakin mendalam... Amin..

I'm busy with load of works, still I'm watching drama.. :) lol

I've been so busy and tired.., I just begin my internship in school here at Klang., so its been hectic., now only I really know that working life is indeed hard and tiring..., But, well.., life is not a bed of roses, we need to go through a lot of new and difficult things, then only we can learn something new, right? :)

Lately, my only way to fine comfort and to put my mind away from dozen of works was with watching drama.., of course.., as expected from me..,

I've been so addicted with this one particular drama -'secret garden'.., its actually a korean drama., with awesome line of actors and actresses on it.., and hyun bin was so hot and dreamy in it.., hohoho..,

I really really love this drama...., the storyline is so fun, witty and different from other drama that I watched before, its not the same cliche drama with the 'predicted' story line..

Spectacular chemistry between Hyun Bin and Ha Ji Won :)

happy new year

I think its not to late...,

to wish HAPPY NEW YEAR to everyone.....

May with this new year, come along a beginning to a bright new chapter.., and hopefully everything will run as smooth as possible..., ya ALLAH, permudahkanlah segala yang aku akan lakukan pada tahun ini dan tahun-tahun yang mendatang..., Amin...