I'm always trying to be strong, even in my dreams

Strength & Courage

It takes strength to be certain,
It takes courage to have doubts.

It takes strength to fit in,
It takes courage to stand out.

It takes strength to share a friend’s pain,
It takes courage to feel your own pain.

It takes strength to hide your own pain,
It takes courage to show it and deal…

" I'll be okay "

Is that what you want me to say?

I like people with depth, I like people with emotion, I like people with a strong mind, an interesting mind, a twisted mind. Someone that make me smile and says; 'aaha, its true'.

Another awesomeness

The vid is so good, give me tears good :) I need to start finding and be in 'Bulatan Gembira' also. :)

p/s: and her korean is awesome too :)

awesomeness

how awesome is this., she is a very lucky girl. :)

Sometimes bad days will happen,

Faith is low,

Patience is low.

Everything’s low.

There’s only one thing you’ll find comfort in,

A comfort so endless, you’ll sink down deep

Into relief,

In thinking of your Lord.

It’ll get you through all endeavours.

Remember your Lord,

Your head down to the ground,

Remember this world is just a fleeting thought,

A whisper in the wind,

A small bubble in the boiling water,

A drop in the ocean.

It just merges in with everything else.

You’ve just got to make your crazy small existence

Count for something.

Don’t let it get to you.

I have to admit, half of today was already ruined. Everything was so wrong, and on top of that I let it get over me. I think I just need some space. Its just too much to handle and way unbearable. I was in a verge of tears, trying hard to hold it then I decided that I need to cry, I need to at least let it out. Keep telling myself that it is okay to cry. It shows nothing other that a fact that I am a very small and fragile human. I depend on so many people to make my day a good day at times I forget that the only place to depend, to trust and to hold is no other but ALLAH SWT. I know I get through this, I need to be stronger, fight and pray harder. So much drama in one day. I need lots and lots of rest and lots and lots of faith.

I think anger can totally change to hatred,
and hatred will eventually change us into a totally different person
someone that we never really know and meet before.

Tick tack

sitting and eating at mcD,
surfing and watching tiredly,
pacing and strolling around the airport,
I need to sleep badly...
or much better..,
I want to be home now.

A Sad Child

You’re sad because you’re sad.
It’s psychic. It’s the age. It’s chemical.
Go see a shrink or take a pill,
or hug your sadness like an eyeless doll
you need to sleep.

Well, all children are sad
but some get over it.
Count your blessings. Better than that,
buy a hat. Buy a coat or pet.
Take up dancing to forget.

Forget what?
Your sadness, your shadow,
whatever it was that was done to you
the day of the lawn party
when you came inside flushed with the sun,
your mouth sulky with sugar,
in your new dress with the ribbon
and the ice-cream smear,
and said to yourself in the bathroom,
I am not the favourite child.

My darling, when it comes
right down to it
and the light fails and the fog rolls in
and you’re trapped in your overturned body
under a blanket or burning car,

and the red flame is seeping out of you
and igniting the tarmac beside you head
or else the floor, or else the pillow,
none of us is;
or else we all are.

- Margaret Atwood

" Sometimes in order to help, HE makes us cry.
Happy the eyes that sheds tears for HIS sake.
Fortunate the heart that burns for HIS sake.
Laughter always follow tears.
Blessed are those who understand.
Life blossom whenever water flows.
Where tears are shed divine mercy is shown "
- Rumi

eight lesson plan to be done and yet I've done nothing

I have to admit.
I am the QUEEN of procrastination.

"What do you do for a living?"
"Carving stories out of the things that I don't know and have seen, both"
"A writer?"
"No, an explorer of the world"

"Yvonne isn’t interested in men who are handsome in an ordinary way: she’s not drawing toothpaste ads. Besides, men with capped-looking teeth and regular features, men even remotely like Greek gods, are conscious of the surface they present and of its effects. They display themselves as if their features are pictures already, finished, varnished, impermeable. Yvonne wants instead whatever it is that’s behind the face and sees out through it. She chooses men who look as if things have happened to them, things they didn’t like very much, men who show signs of forces acting upon them, who have been chipped a little, rained on, frayed, like shells on the beach. […] Men of this kind are not likely to be vain in any standard way. Instead they know that they must depend on something other than appearance to make an impact; […]"
— Margaret Atwood, The Sunrise (from Bluebeard’s Egg)

Lately, I am in love with Atwood's writing. Falling deeply in love with writing.

sigh

1. Its finally december, which means I'll be back to my hometown in a few more weeks.
2. Once I'll go back home, I want to eat like crazy.
3. When I started working in July, I weighted 51kg.
4. After 4 months of working, I gain 4 kg and now I am my chubbier self.
   

Can you see the connection of 1,2,3, and 4. Sigh.
I need to go on diet and at least lost 3 kg in 2 weeks time. Sigh.
If not, #2 cant be fulfilled once I'm home. Sigh.
The story of my life.

shame on me

It suddenly hit me on the fact that I can read a very thick novel just in few hours, however despite that self proud acclaimed the shameful truth that linger behind it is- I cant even finish reading the Holy Al-Quran in one whole year. What a saddening truth about my humble and pitiful self. :(

the man you love

"You heard the man you love
talking to himself in the next room.
He didn’t know you were listening.
You put your ear against the wall
but you couldn’t catch the words,
only a kind of rumbling.
Was he angry? Was he swearing?
Or was it some kind of commentary
like a long obscure footnote on a page of poetry?
Or was he trying to find something he’d lost,
such as the car keys?
Then suddenly he began to sing.
You were startled
because this was a new thing,
but you didn’t open the door, you didn’t go in,
and he kept on singing, in his deep voice, off-key,
a purple-green monotone, dense and heathery.
He wasn’t singing for you, or about you.
He had some other source of joy,
nothing to do with you at all—
he was an unknown man, singing in his own room, alone.
Why did you feel so hurt then, and so curious,
and also happy,
and also set free?"

— Margaret Atwood, “You Heard the Man You Love” (The Door, Mariner, 2007)

shopping.cooking.

Just got back from not-so-morning shopping with nana and ain. We went to Tesco Ampang, bought some foods and toiletries. I should get started and go to the kitchen. Practicing my not-so-good cooking skills. ^^

All these for RM70++, what a world we lived in today. Everything is so expensive.

Dreams

She was having a terrible nightmare. She woke up in hurry. Trembling a little, sit straight while hurriedly turning her head to the whole room. It is so silent, just the sound of her breath, she breath so hard it seems like she never breath before. Breath in. Breath out. Astagfirullah, what was that all about. She thought to herself. What a dream, so real, so vivid in her mind. No, this is nothing but a dream, she kept telling herself. She looked at her left and searched for the watch. It was 2.25am. Argh, how she wished that it was almost morning and the sun will rise sooner. She lied down slowly, back to her comfort bed and blanket. She stared at the wall. Long stare then she sighed. She picked up her phone on her side. Hesitated for awhile. Typed a massage. Hesitated again. Sent. Her phone vibrated, she looked at the screen.

" Its okey, it will be okey, everything will be fine, its just a dream, just recite ayatul qursi and go back to sleep sweetheart."

She felt much better as if reading that gave her more comfort than she even realize. She closed her eyes and her mouth was moving as she reciting ayatul qursi. It will be fine, she said to herself and let her subconscious lead her to the dreamland- hopefully it will be a better, sweet and colourful dream. Hopefully.

meeting you

waiting... sitting.... standing.... pacing....
ahh, this is driving me crazy...